Yesterday as I sat in my accounting update class, I started wishing I had the same drive and passion for accounting work that I did for writing. My life would’ve been so much easier over the past seven years. No balancing work with writing, no feeling depressed during tax season due to lack of writing time, no guilt over neglecting my family, no disappointment over bad reviews, no worries over not being good enough.

With more than twenty years in the accounting profession, I have confidence in my abilities.  I feel validated in my career, due to positive affirmation over the years. As a writer, I have a lot more doubts about myself.

To come home from a long day at work and unwind with a good book—reading, not writing—oh, what a dream that would be. Writing takes up so much time and mental energy. These days, I’m thrilled when I have both at the same time!

Financially, I’d be better off. Not only from working more, but from not spending money on editors and book designers and giveaways. Gosh, the money I could’ve saved.

I’d be proud of my status as a “CPA”, wearing it like a badge of honor. I would defend the profession, fighting against the stereotype of “boring, all-business, no-personality number-cruncher”. (Okay, so I am proud to be a CPA, I won’t lie).

I wouldn’t have people asking me (while snickering) if I’ve made the “New York Times list” yet.  I wouldn’t have hurt feelings when friends didn’t ask about my books.

Yes, life would be a lot simpler if I was “just” a wife, mom, and accountant. But God designed me for more. And who am I to question the Creator of all things?

I love writing, but it’s hard in many ways. Yet I know God wired me to be a writer, whatever that means for His purposes. Writing is an act of obedience on my part. It can even be a form of worship.

I’m grateful for my skills as a “bean counter”, and God has graciously provided steady employment for me over the past twenty-two years. I’m happy I can help provide for my family, and with college on the horizon for my older son, my income will be appreciated.

But I’m also glad God made me unique—with accounting AND writing in my blood. I still don’t know my purpose as a writer, and I may never know in this life, but I will continue to pray for His guidance and follow as best I can, trusting He’s using me for His good. And as I grow closer in my relationship with God, the negative emotions I mentioned earlier seem less intense. He’s constantly working on me, shaping me, and I expect He will be until I see Him face to face.

What about you? Do you work in a profession that’s different from your passion, or calling?

~ Anne